State of Mind

•April 15, 2009 • Leave a Comment

On bended knee is no way to be free
lifting up an empty cup I ask silently
that all my destinations will accept the one that’s me
so I can breath

Circles they grow and they swallow people whole
half their lives they say goodnight to wives they’ll never know
got a mind full of questions and a teacher in my soul
so it goes…

Don’t come closer or I’ll have to go
Holding me like gravity are places that pull
If ever there was someone to keep me at home
It would be you…

Everyone I come across in cages they bought
they think of me and my wandering
but I’m never what they thought
got my indignation but I’m pure in all my thoughts
I’m alive…

Wind in my hair, I feel part of everywhere
underneath my being is a road that disappeared
late at night I hear the trees
they’re singing with the dead
overhead…

Leave it to me as I find a way to be
consider me a satelite for ever orbiting
I knew all the rules but the rules did not know me
guaranteed…

(Guaranteed – Eddie Vedder, OST, Into The Wild)

Hola!

•February 6, 2008 • Leave a Comment

droopy1.jpg Either people have to get used to me saying ’sorry’, or I need to get a life, online that is. Man, even I went through my blog after ages! I can understand how everyone (who all?) would be feeling. Not in the elements for a crack-a-jack of a post, but updating it just in case wordpress decides to shut me out.

Life’s certainly been kind for a while, laidback, fun, rewarding too. In between September 19 and today, I have made two more trips to Chandi town, been to various other places including Kolkata, after 18 years! A pseudo Bong doesn’t come pseudo-er than this.

Was trying to change my header from Wrathchild to Chappantikli, but seems I need a WP refresher soon. And I don’t know if I will be in the mood to change it once I have been suitably refreshed.

Boy! Seems such a relief that Mr Alter Ego is in hibernation, perhaps because of the cold! Good things have started to happen yaar, ekdom hotaat kore! :) People are nice all of a sudden, and so am I! Sri Sri Tanmoy Mookherjee! Sala, Sri and Jee dono saath mein :D There are always some pluses of having a suffix attached to your name no?

Well well! Almost forgot. The Bajaj Avenger DTSI-200 is the newest addition to the wardrobe, and I drobe it everyday :D  The cheel ain’t enough to keep me at bay. I shall ride the tide, feel like God! :) Yippie!! To quote Droopy: “I’m happy.”

Been a dramatic turnaround in an equally subdued manner. But it could change. A meeting awaits. It’s the moment of truth. Even the godly feeling numbs away at the thought of it. And the dramatic turnaround this year itself would be my force. I shall not let it overbear me. I will not accept anything else. For once, I want something. And I will have it.

Touché

•September 19, 2007 • 1 Comment

Sultry afternoon, tired limbs, sweaty palms, grumbling stomach, a set of friends, distance, converging minds, set of thoughts, intentions, nerves, yes, one on one, metallica, smoke-filled afterthought, premature vows, snacks, under the sun, bench, silence, coy smile, ideas, touché.

Whole lotta shit!

•September 9, 2007 • 2 Comments

Another one on expected lines I guess. Of not being able to decipher the mars-venus dispute. Strange though, that venus is closer to the sun! What am I getting at?

Shake it off! England got us in the final match at Lord’s, nailed us in fact. How it has managed to become a routine with us, I don’t know. I mean, I’m not even getting into the hype or anything, but the sheer build-up! Go down (not figuratively) in the series, get back up (heroically) only to get screwed in the final.

For the umpteenth time, collective and individual genius deserted Team India right at the wrong moment. Sachin, man, you’re unlucky. But final mein hamesha batti lagti hai.

But after receiving an overwhelming response on my first post with 65 views so far (woohoo!!! I know how many times out of that 65 I have read it myself :) I have been flooded with fan mails from all over the world (crazy diamond’s two gems :) But now I am motivated enough to give it another go, however immature it may be.

Much more sombre now. The intense stuff happening all around has pretty much subsided. But the odd ember still manages to touch a raw nerve, and spark off the ‘activities’. But I tell ya, it sure is an activity, so much so that your brains can blow up.

Chandi town was graced last weekend. Shut-up-di ki yatra safal rahi. But I swear the force just about managed to elude me this time. Phew! But Pappu’s prolly gonna go insane with more of the ‘police, police, police’ thing. Met Sasha once more (the St Bernard thinks he’s the lightest creature on the planet, very keen to sit on me. Nods his head in constant approval too, which makes my head bounce left and right!)

It feels good looking back, reminiscing, so long as the memory (how the word takes me back to Sona Pani) does not deceive. And once it starts doing that, deceit that is, the feel good factor goes out of the Windows XP Home. And the week that was has been torrential in matters of bad taste in the mouth. Ise psychology kehte hain ki kasai-chology?

Alter-ego’s making full use of it. Rubbing it in endlessly, stubbing the cigarette deep into the skin; replenishes every little instance of mammoth grief with remarkable reflection. Even the king of good times won’t do. But I’ll bite back.

Write right

•August 26, 2007 • 2 Comments

Stormbringer…Hereby I welcome myself to the literary world of blogging.

Introduction brushed aside, I promise me to park myself on this very neelkamal sitting pretty in front of my Nehru Place-or-somewhere-nearby-assembled Personal ‘Home’ Computer once in a neela chand.

The first two sentences would have more or less established my identity—Mr Not Revealing Myself. Anyhow.

The last 8 months , which is effectively this year, has been a game. It’s definitely not been a ball game coz I’d have loved every minute of it, even though I might have ended up losing. It’s been more on the hide and seek sides. If not that then definitely chess. Absolutely no link. Neither would the heading justify the anatomy. But then such is life.

Was torn to smithereens till then. ‘Things happen, dude. Part of life ‘n shit.’ Cut to overjoy. Back to life. ‘Wow, been writing all well all of a sudden!’ Yeah, I was waiting for someone to point that out. Even the daily smoke has a refreshing taste. Leaves a soothing odour :)

The guys are, as usual (I’m part of that collective phrase mind you), going through the motions, personally happy, professionally dissatisfied. Sandy’s finally found his calling, but on his way to Bangalore, he has to leave behind his home in New Delhi. He hails from Assam though. Pappu’s the dude, makes his intentions clear, and frustrations evident. J has eaten his head enough for him to throw the boot back at her. Way to go, chum. But Gogo’s landmines are still lethal. He just doesn’t grow up. Grow up, pup!

Rohit and Shruti managed to catch up with Sandy in Bengaluru on an Iron Maiden show. And more. They went to Hampi! Just what I did not want with the World Cup on my head. Polite request for chhutti went down the drain at TC, so got myself drunk.

Ronny. The heart and soul. One-dimensional mood. Fun full-throttle. But been down lately. Yeah all of that, and much, much more. And now it’s Pappu’s turn to head out. Chandigarh. He’s going to be reunited with Mahesh. All of us have been praying for his safety. But, again, he is leaving behind, Gogo… and yeah Shruti. The pup’s heading to Supriya’s house in Ghaziabad. So long. Everyone.

Aah the World Cup 2007! Just what I was waiting for. My moment of truth. But in these one-and-half months, just as the WC’s disappointed, the mood’s become a tightly packed fizzless cola. Bunta maybe.

The mood in the house is refreshing though. Even Max can smell something brewing :) Yeah, ma’s happy. Seems like it. I think I’m going in the right direction. But I never thought I’ll have to fight my biggest battle to date, with myself. ‘Alter-ego! I shall defeat you!’ But we missed on deciding one thing. Forgot to mention the rounds.

Such is life, did I say? Can I replace it? Sucks—is life! Things are not in place, you know. Organised is how I like it. An organised life. But just as the beer-belly lane is being reconstructed into a freeway, ‘things’ are cropping up. But too late to mull over, I gotta go to Chandi town man! Ronny’s gonna help me bike around. He knows I can make the bike talk, while it lays on me :P

Was a refreshing change. Four of us together, after a long time, and yet, Sandy’s missing all the fun in Bengaluru. He is with his DSP Black ka quarter, as usual. We also biked to Kasauli!

Got back pretty much to my morose self, however. But if all of the shit happening till now was morose, I thank everyone around me for being around thereafter…

‘All cruelty springs from weakness,’ reads my ‘about me’ on orkut. As they say, God’s cruel (But when did ‘they’ say this?) For a long time, though, I distanced myself from this three-letter word. For now, I shall remove it from my conscience. Meanwhile, I have become a senior sub-editor. I mean, it’s good news and everything, and perhaps the shot in the arm that I needed. But I’ll let it pass for now.

Boom! ‘Now, now. It ain’t over yet!’ ‘Shucks man, how long will it go on?’ Seems like the Stormbringer has taken a liking to me. No lulls anymore.. no respite of change in sight. It’s gonna go on. Alter-ego’s back, and loving it. Jack Sparrow’s gonna be proud.